How We Get Hooked: Understand Alcohol Misuse

“I don’t know why I keep drinking.” I threw myself onto my therapist’s bright yellow couch on a hot summer day.

“I am sure you had a reason,” my therapist replied.

I remembered looking up at her with disbelief. It was not the response I imagined I would get.

This pivotal moment was the beginning of my journey to understanding the deeper reasons behind alcohol consumption, a journey I now navigate with my clients. Six years have passed since then, and having become a therapist myself, the exchange above has also become one that takes place often between me and my clients.

Every Behavior Serves a Purpose: Perceived Benefits

People who come to me to work on their alcohol consumption often feel perplexed by their own behaviors. They see all the good reasons to drink less, yet for some reason, they just can’t seem to figure out how.

“Is there something wrong with me?” many of them end up asking. My answer to that question is a definitive “No.”

No. There is nothing wrong with you. You drink for a reason.

Here is the thing: behind each of our behaviors, there is a motive. Our behaviors serve purposes. They are driven by perceived benefits. We take a shot before walking up onto the stage for a boost of confidence; we pour a glass of wine before initiating intimacy to soften the moods; and we reach for that fourth beer because we believe the more we drink, the more fun we will get. Behind each sip we take, there is always something that we hope to get. Recognizing these patterns has led me to explore the initial allure of alcohol and the perceived benefits that often go unnoticed.

The Power of Perception: The Initial Perceived Benefits

As we scratch our heads wondering why someone can’t stop drinking despite all the negative consequences, we often fail to acknowledge the perceived benefits. You see, if drinking was really just “all bad,” very few of us would ever get hooked. The tricky thing about alcohol is that it often starts with benefits—perceived benefits, at least.

Imagine a young man at his first college party, feeling awkward and out of place—until he has his first drink. Suddenly, the edges soften, the room seems friendlier, and he feels like he belongs. Or a teenage girl who is going through her first breakup. As the cold beer pours down her throat, the sadness in her chest slowly dissipates. (That girl was me.)

Our early encounters with alcohol often set the tone for our relationship with it, creating powerful perceptions. According to the expectancy theory, we make choices based on the expected outcome of our actions. After the initial encounters, the young man learned to pop open a beer every time he felt unease at a party, and the teenage girl learned to pour herself a glass whenever sadness arose in her chest.

These early perceptions often overshadow the delayed negative consequences. The immediate perceived benefits reinforce the behavior, making it easy to overlook the hangover the next day, the occasional throw-up by the sidewalk, or the long-term impact on one’s health and well-being. As these early experiences shape our perceptions, they lay the groundwork for new associations that reinforce our drinking habits over time.

Reinforcement and New Associations: How Alcohol's Appeal Grows

As we continue navigating through life, the perceived benefits we have around alcohol slowly multiply. Perhaps you were originally drawn to alcohol by the alleviation of discomfort in social situations. Over time, as you continue to drink during parties and gatherings, your brain starts to associate drinking with having a good time.

Moreover, our observations about others around us continue to add layers of perceived benefits to our understanding of alcohol. According to social learning theory, we learn by observing and imitating others. When we watch a housewife on TV pour herself a glass of “mommy’s juice” by the end of the day, we learn to associate alcohol with relaxation and stress relief. When we see our friend pair a Cabernet Sauvignon with a hearty steak, we learn to see wine as a part of fine dining. The observations create more and more perceived benefits we associate with the liquid in the bottle.

Alcoholism Essential Reads

Naltrexone for Both Alcohol and Opioid Use Disorders

Why Findings on Alcohol and Health Are So Confusing

These perceived benefits keep us reaching for a drink even when the negative effects start to pile up. Grappling with dissatisfaction with attempts to cut down, many people become trapped in a sense of self-blame.

Replace Self-Blame With Understanding

Understanding the "why" behind our drinking can make a crucial difference, as shame and guilt often hinder our ability to understand and make changes. When we get caught up in painful questions like “What’s wrong with me,” we become distracted from constructive questions such as “How can I create changes?” Insights and awareness are often the first steps to change.

You had reasons to drink. Understanding those reasons gives room for you to learn how to drink less.

Inside my 7-Day Toolkit, you can find my favorite tool, the 3-minute drinking diary, to help you uncover the hidden perceived benefits of drinking.